Rusty Doran achieves legend status after late winning score seals victory for crafty Naughties

The Carnew Naughties were almost on their feet, having emptied the tanks as they had done so often in the past, leaving everything they had on the battlefield. The New Kids (current minor hurling team) had energy to burn but found the 2002 team a tough hurdle to clear.

The crowd clamored for blood, urging their teams to victory, the scores were tied, the sun was blowing from the pale blue sky, the grunts and moans worried medical professionals and that someone had not been killed was a miracle.

This charity game played at Carnew last Saturday needed a hero to decide which group of warriors would get bragging rights for the next 60 years. It needed a man who could rise above the pressure, transcend all those earthly doubts, and become a legend of immortal proportions.

Step forward Brian ‘Rusty’ Doran, a semi-tanned Adonis topped with a shiny tuft of wet red hair, bulging muscles, throbbing veins, ridiculously high blood pressure, legs a ghastly milky white hue and the facial expression of a Carnew man discovering that Wexford won the All-Ireland hurling final.

Doran recovers the ball a good distance from the goal. Eyewitnesses say he took 14 fierce shoulders from all directions, 11 dirty chops and four high tackles, not to mention numerous unwelcome and downright outrageous remarks about his personal appearance. Doran ignored them all as if they were just annoying flies on a hot day at the market.

Locals say he was at least 80 yards from goal. A man protested that he was only 20 years old. This individual has since been reported missing. Doran rocked the hurl, a size 48, we’re led to believe. He gently connected with the ball and it moved away, scorching the hot air as it soared above the black spot. Grown men were crying, women were fainting, birds were falling from the sky.

The Naughties had won. Their reputations are forever cemented in Carnew folklore. Rusty was the hero.

But more importantly, a considerable sum has also been raised for the Irish Cancer Society. Congratulations to all !